I'm on Spring Break already. Woohoo~ Time to prayMORE, worshipMORE, writeMORE, eatMore (spiritually, k), weepMORE, and loveMORE. (Do people still use this "MORE" thing? lol)
Recently I've been rebellious. No idea why all of a sudden the boldness in me turned not for Him but against Him. "How dare you disobey and turn your face away from God when He speaks to you???!!!" I felt I was going through that rebellious season of teenagers all over again, but this time, spiritually. Even though I ignores whatever God asked me to do, yet I long and hungry for Him. It's so ironic but that's exactly what's up. = =|||
"Sarah, go pray for that girl over there right now."
"No, Lord, I'm busy and have no time."
Something like that happened for at least 5 or 6 times throughout last week. I didn't go pray for any of these people the Lord asked me to go pray for. The last time that He urged my heart to go pray for someone was like this...
"Go right now, or else I will leave you."
"No!! Don't leave me, Lord!" (Still didn't go up to the girl)
.... I could felt God's Spirit leaving me....
"Noooo Lord don't forsake me!!"
I was scared. Lord, I'm sorry... Why didn't I go? Not enough boldness? Not enough faith? Not enough love? Lord I prayed for more of You and less of me, yet I was like a stubborn child who runs away from You when You called, and runs back to You asking for Your love afterwards. God, help me to GROW UP!! Pathetic Sarah!! Grrr.... So frustrated! I hated my guts!
On Sunday, I didn't go up there and pray. (Even tried to avoid eye contacts to avoid going up) What the heck was I doing?? The Lord asked me to go up there and pray, yet I disobeyed again. (slaps self) However, Jack's message of being cut and burn by the Lord if we don't bear fruits, and the burden to cry out to God in extreme hunger and thirst hit me later after Monday's final... It was just an afternoon/night of praying, weeping, worshiping, repenting before the Lord. At least 4 hours of crying out. I haven't wept before Him for a while now. The Holy Spirit filled me up and I laid there and couldn't stop speaking in tongue "loudly"for about 40 minutes. (Sorry Ruth, I didn't mean to disturb your beauty sleep. lol) I felt the burden to pray for Karen's increase in hunger and thirst for God, that she would HAVE TO cry out to Him and for Him. As I wept for her, the Lord touched her and she started to weep as well. Our house church is called GTM (God Thirst Ministry), yet, why aren't people THIRSTY for God??!! I am hungry for God, way more than physical hunger. If you know me you would know that I LOVE FOOD, but the hunger I have for God is way beyond food... I was a bit amazed too. Give me more hunger and thirst for You, Lord.
After being filled by the Holy Spirit, it's time to strike again!! Lord, fill me up with hunger, boldness, and love from above. Expand my cup and let it overflow. Amen.
Ps. MoMo's under spiritual attack severely right now. Please keep her in your prayers. Pray for freedom in the Spirit and restoration. The Lord is gracious, slow to anger, rich in love, and good to all! Amen!
-sala<3
1 comment:
what? it's confession time? i've got so much to confess about i don't know where to begin!
i think it's kinda important that we experience the frustration caused by our rebellion so we'll praise God even more when He moves through us despite ourselves, because it's not by our strength but by His grace
feed your spirit, get more strength, become drunk in the Spirit, and then go again :)
...and i gotta weep more *wahhhh wahhh, roommate stares at me weirdly*
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